Dear Diary,
What do my eyebrows say about me? According to my beauty guru, eyebrows are a key component in understanding a person's perspective and attitude. For example, if your eyebrows are thick, then you want to be taken very seriously and tend to be argumentative. On the other hand, the length of your eyebrow across your eye indicates your level of kindness. If they are short, you are not prone to selfless acts--you tend to assess the potential for personal gain before entering into any favors etc.
Anyway, my eyes have been opened to the incredible importance of my eyebrows! Meanwhile, I have been so ignorant my whole life. Who knows what impression people have gotten. I intend to rectify this situation immediately. In fact, I've already begun the process. For the past hour I've been intently staring into the mirror. I've come to the conclusion that I need adjustments in the following areas: thickness, length, curve, color, length of hairs and shape of the "tail" (the portion at the end of the eyebrow, including the angle toward the hairline).
So, now I want to have my eyebrows tell people that I am open, honest, friendly, professional, funny, kind, diplomatic, fair and loving. Even if it's not quite true. I definitely don't want people to think I'm a pennypincher or something like that.
I have the necessary tools: tweezers with different tips, grips and metals. In addition, I have waxes, creams, and some weird hair removal systems called "balls" or "testes" or some other ridiculous name. I also have eyebrow dye, pencil, a small scissors, and a diagram that will help me accent my browbone.
Man, I don't know why I'm making this entry in the middle of such a serious crisis. I've cut out pictures of celebrities whose eyebrows give the proper introduction and will use them to help me sculpt my new look. Now it's time to get down to business. I will lock myself in my bathroom and WILL NOT reemerge until this matter has been settled. I just hope I don't pluck too much or get a cramp. Either way, I'm powering through.
Wish me luck!
Sincerely,
TheFormerlyMisrepresentedMe
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