Ode to a brick wall

Dear Room,

why are you so unbearably ugly? Did your mother not love you enough when you were small? Are your parents a prison and a five year old's room from 1976? Please, please stop torturing everybody's eyes with your absurd attempts at coolness.
What is with the mural? I don't want to take so many people to the middle of nowhere that it becomes somewhere. I don't want to sit on chairs with stars on them. I don't like little figurines of cows and sheep. I am not a fan of Whoopi Goldberg or her footprints in L.A. I mean, she's ok and all, but REALLY? Do I need a picture of her footprints on my wall?
Who, over the age of 4, has a ceramic ghost with patchwork spots on him on his windowsill? Who has a rock that is actually a lamp? (While this may sound cool, it is, in fact, ridiculous)
WHO HAS FAKE BRICKS RANDOMLY PAINTED OVER 1/4 OF HIS ROOM WITH WEIRD GRAY SHADING???

I give up. I'm on the express train to ugly town with a one-way ticket in my hand.