Dear Diary,

I'm sorry I've abandoned you of late.  I think I may be easily distracted and tend  to leave things that I thought were important to me behind.  Anyway, it's not that I don't seriously enjoy writing to you and getting my Doogie Howser on.  It's just that I've been totally into this amazing adventure provided by my new book!  I'm sure you know that my last entry was just before my graduation!  Well, I have to admit, I got some awesome swag for the whole "cum laude" deal (heehee still makes me laugh), but of all the presents I was given, the best one came from my super-amazingly-awesome-party-person friend, Todd. 

Todd, being the inspiration or maybe the instigator of so many of my youthful antics, found the perfect way to keep me busy and devious all at the same time, despite my supposed new status as a commenced individual, whatever that means.

Ok, so about the book (don't be too jealous!!! you've been and remain super important to me, for real!!!)...

It's called, get this: THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

                             365 Daily Instructions for Hysterical Living

And can I just tell you? So far it's been super fun.  I've been having the best time completing these absurd and brilliant tasks.

It started out easily enough.  All I had to do was answer some basic questions about myself, complete a mood chart, and plan my life.  No big deal. Typical Thursday, right? Alright, I'm not gonna lie.  I totally skipped the mood chart and the life planning.  It all seemed a bit ridiculous to me at the time, but I may just have to complete it.  Anyway, Day 1 was warm-up day.  Again, no big deal.  (I only had to do one of the tasks, but I chose to do numerous ones. Here they are:

1) whisper a white lie when no one's listening
2) say 'yo' instead of 'hello'
3) decide which one of your toes is the prettiest
4) insult an insect
5) go on a one-minute hunger strike

just to give you an idea of the warm-up challenges and the level of absurdity I'm talking about.)  The third day, I had to throw away something I liked.  Tougher.  Day 5, I grudgingly cut up my own book to remove the printed "Out of Order" sign I was challenged to hang on a public infrastructure.  I chose to add the sign to the vending machine at work.  Everyone uses that thing, and I never get to have my pick of the goodies.  So there!
The next one was especially tough.  I had to write the opening line to my debut novel. I'm not even gonna go there.  It was excruciating.  I'm no writer.
Day 7: I can't even talk about it. 

And so my days were filled with secret missions until it all came to a screeching halt today.  I know, I know, it's completely messed up of me to turn to you now.  I've taken you for granted, but I was changing my life.  In the end, my hope was that my entries in here would be more interesting because my life would be even more amazing than it already is.  Here's the problem.  If I do what I'm supposed to do today, then I may not have a life to write about anymore.  Why?  Because this book wants me to contact a serial killer.  I mean, ok, I realize that the serial killers they've named are all on Death Row and unlikely to come after me, but who knows? I mean, come on, who really knows?  What if something happens?  I may not be able to write the opening line of my debut novel, but even I can recognize that such an act seems like something dumb from a cliche thriller novel.  If it's novel-cliche, does that mean that it's safe to do in real life?  I'm not sure.

Anyway, there are 9 to choose from...

I'll let you know what I decide.

Love Always,

SWF