Jiggle-Juggle-Jam

Dear Dr. P. Kapfhammer,

I am writing to express to you a few issues that I would like to discuss. First of all, I would like to thank you for seeing me on such short notice. I felt very concerned about my health, and your evaluation was crucial in settling my heart and mind. I had not been taking very good care of my precious body, which I know is my temple, but I haven't been very conscious of it. My friend, who is in a little Bungalow-hut on an island in Southern Thailand, has asked me to join her. She makes me very nervous because she is this phenomenal yoga-practicing, lizard-hunting (they sound like dogs), monastery-visiting, non-compliant (with respect to taking pictures of lizards barking in her bed), international friend who is totally going to show me up by being way cooler than me. Perhaps I am revealing too much about my personal life, but then again, you've seen me naked. Which brings me to my next point:
I did not think that it was right that you chose to make me expose myself in that way. I understand that I had to remove my clothes in order for you to conduct the EKG, but to make me ride a bicycle naked was simply cruel. I did not feel that those little suction cups were enough to cover up my breasts, nor did they offer any significant amount of support. The only way to express this humiliation (of my breasts jiggling about) is to say that I have had horrific dreams about it since then. PLUS my friends have been making fun of me incessantly.
MOREOVER, you should more carefully train and supervise your staff, particularly your nursing staff, as they play a crucial role in the suction cup application process. A specific nurse, I believe her name was Betty (she was blonde), managed to apply one of the cups to my right nipple. Then, she proceeded to remove it rather roughly and unapologetically. I would only like to inform you that my nipple is in a great deal of pain.
In short, I really feel that you should find another way to go about collecting EKG readings: One which does not include braless bicycling and imprecise suctioning.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Ms. X