Dear Diary,
I am clean and refreshed and feeling very impressed with my intellectual and philosophical capacities. Why, you ask? Simply because I have just emerged from the life-affirming and spirit-rejuvenating experience we so take for granted and thoughtlessly refer to as THE SHOWER.
Every single time I step out of that little confessional and sole haven, I feel that I have worked through things that even the most expensive therapy would not reach. It is the last surviving place where I have no distractions--TV, reading material, conversation... Thus, my mind is free to wander and explore its own depths.
I am so enamored of the power of the shower that I was beginning to think that world leaders should spend more time in that miraculous solution booth. Perhaps they could be required to take showers prior to any important meeting or diplomatic negotiation. It is my experience that even a quick shower offers unexpected insight into the navigation of daily life and even chaotic crises.
My plan was ruined, however, when I realized that the power cannot be harnessed and manipulated. In fact, I have often paused when writing a paper or contemplating something challenging and relocated to the shower. Once there, unfailingly, my mind begins to stray from the consideration of the desired problem to another, underlying trouble I am facing.
Thus, we cannot use the power of the shower; we must simple learn to enjoy the ride it takes us on.
Thought-provokingly cleansed,
Hygiene enthusiast
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Time ISN'T on my side!
Dear Diary,
I thought that time was on my side. When The Rolling Stones sang, I thought I was completely with them. I sang along, off-key and blissfully ignorant of the truth: Time does not love me. I thought I had my relationship with time all figured out. I suppose I should have known better. I did have an early tip-off, back when I was a mere child of 12. That should have been warning enough. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Or at least that's what you think. You probably think that time is on your side, too. Silly, silly fool.
Anyway, here's the full story:
When I was a child of 5 or so, I remember a visit to the Family Health Clinic. My parents had taken me to get some sort of torturous immunization. Something about measles, mumps and ow that hurts. I was, at that tender age, terrified, paralyzingly so, of needles. I seriously could not stand the sight of them, and my flipping out when I saw them grew so extreme that a nurse actually refused to give me a shot because I made her feel too guilty. (Bad move on my part. Long-term effect: Pissed off doctor had to come and administer the shot. Impatient and not sympathetic to my plight. Jabbing motion comes to mind.) In any case, my older sister was getting a shot too. She had to get some 12 year old booster, and I thought, Wow. In 7 years, I have to go through this again. THANK GOD I will be so grown up then that I won't be afraid. It won't affect me at all. I'll be so cool about it. Thank God I'll be 12 and able to handle it.
Fast Forward 7 years: hysterics. trembling with fear. And feeling betrayed by time because I was not able to handle it. In fact, I still warn nurses whenever they have to draw blood or give me a shot. I still get the butterfly needle. When I had an IV once, I dreamed about being able to leave it in for all time, so that any time they needed something: voila! ready access, no pain.
So why am I writing about this? Because I'm graduating. And like the shot scenario, I always assumed that when I graduated, I'd be ready to graduate. Ready to move on and be an adult. But no. I'm not. Not even remotely. I don't want to be a grown-up, non-student. What's that about? I do not like it. I don't like it at all.
So now that I've learned that time isn't, in fact, on my side, I've begun to dread things. There have been a lot of things that have flashed through my head, but most prominently, and most disturbingly: childbirth.
I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it. And don't try to make me feel better with the "childbirth lasts a day (or whatever time it takes for me), motherhood lasts a lifetime" crap sentiment. I don't care. I'm adopting. Or something. Or they'll have to find some way to take away the pain without using a needle. Cos I don't play that way, as you should know.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can prepare myself for childbirth? Should I be doing some kind of exercise, taking some kind of vitamins, in case I forget that time isn't on my side and wind up "with child" somehow, someday?
Please, please, please help me. I don't want to go through the pain of childbirth. I'm not ready. AND I NEVER WILL BE. I now know and accept that.
Considering celibacy,
TimeEnemy
I thought that time was on my side. When The Rolling Stones sang, I thought I was completely with them. I sang along, off-key and blissfully ignorant of the truth: Time does not love me. I thought I had my relationship with time all figured out. I suppose I should have known better. I did have an early tip-off, back when I was a mere child of 12. That should have been warning enough. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Or at least that's what you think. You probably think that time is on your side, too. Silly, silly fool.
Anyway, here's the full story:
When I was a child of 5 or so, I remember a visit to the Family Health Clinic. My parents had taken me to get some sort of torturous immunization. Something about measles, mumps and ow that hurts. I was, at that tender age, terrified, paralyzingly so, of needles. I seriously could not stand the sight of them, and my flipping out when I saw them grew so extreme that a nurse actually refused to give me a shot because I made her feel too guilty. (Bad move on my part. Long-term effect: Pissed off doctor had to come and administer the shot. Impatient and not sympathetic to my plight. Jabbing motion comes to mind.) In any case, my older sister was getting a shot too. She had to get some 12 year old booster, and I thought, Wow. In 7 years, I have to go through this again. THANK GOD I will be so grown up then that I won't be afraid. It won't affect me at all. I'll be so cool about it. Thank God I'll be 12 and able to handle it.
Fast Forward 7 years: hysterics. trembling with fear. And feeling betrayed by time because I was not able to handle it. In fact, I still warn nurses whenever they have to draw blood or give me a shot. I still get the butterfly needle. When I had an IV once, I dreamed about being able to leave it in for all time, so that any time they needed something: voila! ready access, no pain.
So why am I writing about this? Because I'm graduating. And like the shot scenario, I always assumed that when I graduated, I'd be ready to graduate. Ready to move on and be an adult. But no. I'm not. Not even remotely. I don't want to be a grown-up, non-student. What's that about? I do not like it. I don't like it at all.
So now that I've learned that time isn't, in fact, on my side, I've begun to dread things. There have been a lot of things that have flashed through my head, but most prominently, and most disturbingly: childbirth.
I don't think I'm going to be able to handle it. And don't try to make me feel better with the "childbirth lasts a day (or whatever time it takes for me), motherhood lasts a lifetime" crap sentiment. I don't care. I'm adopting. Or something. Or they'll have to find some way to take away the pain without using a needle. Cos I don't play that way, as you should know.
Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can prepare myself for childbirth? Should I be doing some kind of exercise, taking some kind of vitamins, in case I forget that time isn't on my side and wind up "with child" somehow, someday?
Please, please, please help me. I don't want to go through the pain of childbirth. I'm not ready. AND I NEVER WILL BE. I now know and accept that.
Considering celibacy,
TimeEnemy
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